Long Hiatus

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Our wee Champions

It’s been almost a year since my last entry, I took a little turn for the worse emotionally back then and needed to take a break from nearly everything that wasn’t school or training. After several months of study, work, train, sleep and repeat, it’s gotten better. A lot has happened in the time since I last wrote, I aced my exams, I picked up extra work around the gym, I now help teach the wee ninjas class at our club. Between 18 and 30 kids aged 5 to 12, training has been better that ever and in the same time I have also achieved my blue belt and a few stripes to go with it. It was all going so well and I’ve been so busy, I forgot to write about it, but I figured I have a few days free, let’s see if we can get this going again. Continue reading

100 days of happiness and fitness (last day)

ipwwtBW“This is exactly how I felt this morning. I have so many things to do and so little time to do them all in I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed, and figuring, what’s the point? Not to mention I’m tired, in a bit of pain, and just feeling all sorts of sorry for myself right now.

I can be thankful I’m not like I used to be, because despite feeling so crappy this morning, I got up. I wasn’t about to start the spiral all over again so, I didn’t lie in bed, cowering away from the day like I used to. I had my morning routine, so I just ran through it, get up use the bathroom brush your teeth wash your face, baby steps, little by little. It didn’t put I spring in my step, but it made me feel a little better, small accomplishments are still accomplishments.

I guess today I realised that you don’t have to be on top of things, and that it’s okay to not feel okay.”

I wrote this post a few days ago, and others all either deleted or saved but not uploaded, because I couldn’t post anything this past week. They’re just full of lies, I didn’t get out of bed, I did cower away from the world and I hadn’t been to training, I just hid. I couldn’t post about that, feeling the way I did, it got worse as the days went along and I just couldn’t face it. It is okay to not feel okay, but for some reason for the last few days, I didn’t believe it.

I felt… I still feel, like a failure, I’m supposed to be writing about how I got better by using Bjj and my fitness to keep myself happy. But I’m not happy, I don’t know why, but I’m not. Posting to a happiness and fitness blog, when I’m neither happy nor keeping up with my fitness just seems like a lie.

imageThis is more like my week so far, hiding it is easy, once you’ve learned the steps it’s easy to retrace them. I don’t understand, I was doing so well for so long.

I won’t be adding to the 100 days from now on, it would feel too dishonest to continue. Hopefully I can get back on track and try to continue with the blog as a whole, but for the time being, I’ll be taking a break.

100 days of happiness and fitness (day 8)

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Today I took the whole day off. I initially felt bad about it, but when I tried to move this morning and I found I literally couldn’t without pain, I decided to stay in bed, and recover a bit, I’ve been here all day.

I haven’t taken a day off in a long time, I work, go to school, and train, nearly everyday. Even on my off days I’m either in the gym for myself or training someone else. After doing all that, day in day out since the start of the year, I’m exhausted. So today I take an extreme lazy day 😄.

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Pretty accurate example of how I looked.

Pretty accurate example of how I looked.

It’s okay to take lazy days, especially when you need it, take some time, whether I’d be an hour or a day, even the whole weekend like I might do 😈. Everyone needs a break sometimes, mother’s and father’s, your classmates and colleagues. Everyone needs to take the time to unwind and relax after a hard day, a long week, even a short but stressful even deserves a breather afterwards.

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If you need it, please, find a ways to take it. Rest isn’t just for the body, rest is also for the mind. It aids us in clearing the clutter, sorting out our thoughts and coming back with fresh perspective. Without it we can slip into dark thoughts and that is never good for us. So take breaks when you need them and rest when you can, and remember that it’s always okay to do so.

Here’s a list of cute sleepy animals in honour of my lazy day.

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100 days of happiness and fitness (day 7)

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It can be hard to see to light at the end of the tunnel, when it comes to getting what you want. Hard work is… well it’s hard. Finding the thing that makes it worth your while is an even bigger challenge. But if you can find that thing, and it truly makes you happy, cling to it. It may not come around again and you don’t want to be living with the regret of losing it. It’ll be worth the risk.

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100 days of happiness and fitness (day 6)

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I had my second swimming lesson today. We had the whole pool to ourselves, so I wasn’t afraid I’d be make a fool of myself in front of anyone. I made it a few step further in the process, staying under for longer, even eventually letting go of the side and having a thrash about in the middle, I may have swam a bit too, but I’ll need more confirmation on that. I still haven’t mastered keeping my head up whilst trying to swim, or not panicking when I feel my feet lifting off the ground, but all in all I’d say it was a success. 😃

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100 days of happiness and fitness (day 5)

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Jaysus, of all the times I choose to do a 100 days of blogging, I pick the start of my c.a’s. I’m in college all day, then training, then studying, I barely have time to eat and I chose… feckin chose to add this to my plate. Oh the stress of it all 😄.

I was working with some guys at the gym today, they’d been there about a year and were just talking about how much they’d improved over that time. They told us that before starting, they were out of work and out of school, like I was about 2 years ago, I’m not sure how exactly they got into bjj/mma, probably the same way I did, by getting dragged in by a friend. But they told us, like I’ve told others, that the art has absolutely changed them.

They thought they were at the end, that how they were living was going to be how they would live for the rest of their lives, just like I did when I was in the exact same situation. Now though, they are happier than they’ve ever been. Back in school, just like I am, volunteering, just like me… actually, that’s kind of creepy, are they copying me? 😨.

It’s just amazing to see people turn their lives around, they thought they’d passed the point of no return, and that there was no coming back form it. But then they found something they loved doing, something that gave them the confidence to go after the things they wanted and they’re all the better for it.

It doesn’t matter what it is, for us it was bjj/mma, for you it could be taking a cooking class or fencing I’ve always wanted to try that, it could be writing or white water rafting, woodwork or even stamp collecting. It really does not matter, if you can find the the thing that makes you happy, and as long as you don’t hurt or kill anyone in the process, then I say do it. What are you waiting for?

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I know I’m using this one again, but so what it fits.

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100 days of happiness and fitness (day 4)

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It’s been a long time since the last 100 days post, I lost internet on wednesday morning, I figured it was minor and I thought in would be sorted by the next day but nope, Monday the guy says. No posts for 5 days :(. I’d only just taken up the 100 days challeng too 😧. No matter though, we can amble on a few days later than usual, I’ll just add in everything that happened since then.

Tuesday, was my first day teaching 😄. I teach the wee ninja class, 14 kids between the ages a 6 and 12 the joys of jiu jitsu… well mostly I would teach them not to hit or bite each other, but when they listen I teach them jiu jitsu.

I’m not used to being around kids, I think I have a little bit of a phobia of them or something. But when my coach asked me to help him out with the class I immediately said yes. Then I inwardly cringed, thinking “what have I gotten myself into?” I can’t work with kids, I don’t even like them. It was the most horrifying and exhausting thing i’d ever done, yet when the class started and I saw the looks on the little guys and girls faces when they get something right for the first time, the way they laughed and giggled during the games. It’s something I’ll never forget and it was truly a rewarding experience.

On Thursday I started my first swimming lesson. At 29 I was still terrified and froze up the moment my toes touched the water, but my S.O. was there to walk me through the initial horrers of wading into the 4 feet of water.

After a little splashing around, I finally worked up the courage to dunk my head under the water and look around. My nose filled with water immediately… lesson 1 hold your nose. On my second dunk my goggles started filling with water too, and my ears, it was all in all a very stressful experience. But I was enjoying every moment of it. Learning how to stay afloat, thrashing around like sharks, playing dead man, it was like a was kid again. I sometimes forget that physical activity can be fun, that it doesn’t have to be all sweat and turmoil, you can actually enjoy the experience of getting your cardio sessions in.

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Friday I worked with another kids class, we had a new boy in that was so terrified I thought he was going to pass out. I felt so bad for him, but every time I went to talk to him he’d run away and hide behind our coat racks, It was heartbreaking. As the class went on though and the games began, he got closer and closer to the mats, until finally when I beckoned him over, he joined in. I was ecstatic and he was… just beaming, we worked together as there was an uneven number, and with everything he get got right and every time I praised him his smile grew bigger and bigger, until he was giggling his way back to his mother. It was a weird feeling of accomplishment, one that I never thought about before.

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My weekend was boring as heck, I spent my time studying for my soft tissue injuries exam, so we didn’t miss much on that front. I’ll try to remain more consistent with the posts now that the aul internet is back.

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