100 days of happiness and fitness (last day)

ipwwtBW“This is exactly how I felt this morning. I have so many things to do and so little time to do them all in I’m feeling kind of overwhelmed, and figuring, what’s the point? Not to mention I’m tired, in a bit of pain, and just feeling all sorts of sorry for myself right now.

I can be thankful I’m not like I used to be, because despite feeling so crappy this morning, I got up. I wasn’t about to start the spiral all over again so, I didn’t lie in bed, cowering away from the day like I used to. I had my morning routine, so I just ran through it, get up use the bathroom brush your teeth wash your face, baby steps, little by little. It didn’t put I spring in my step, but it made me feel a little better, small accomplishments are still accomplishments.

I guess today I realised that you don’t have to be on top of things, and that it’s okay to not feel okay.”

I wrote this post a few days ago, and others all either deleted or saved but not uploaded, because I couldn’t post anything this past week. They’re just full of lies, I didn’t get out of bed, I did cower away from the world and I hadn’t been to training, I just hid. I couldn’t post about that, feeling the way I did, it got worse as the days went along and I just couldn’t face it. It is okay to not feel okay, but for some reason for the last few days, I didn’t believe it.

I felt… I still feel, like a failure, I’m supposed to be writing about how I got better by using Bjj and my fitness to keep myself happy. But I’m not happy, I don’t know why, but I’m not. Posting to a happiness and fitness blog, when I’m neither happy nor keeping up with my fitness just seems like a lie.

imageThis is more like my week so far, hiding it is easy, once you’ve learned the steps it’s easy to retrace them. I don’t understand, I was doing so well for so long.

I won’t be adding to the 100 days from now on, it would feel too dishonest to continue. Hopefully I can get back on track and try to continue with the blog as a whole, but for the time being, I’ll be taking a break.

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